Friday, July 27, 2012

Dealing with Disappointment

As a leader we sometimes have to help our 4-Hers  deal with disappointment. Our 4-Hers spend a lot of time, effort and money on their project and they want to be recognized for their efforts.  We encourage them to enter their sewing projects in Fashion Revue, the county fair, and the Farm Show and  the PA Make It With Wool Contest. Sometimes they receive an award or recognition and sometimes they don't. Many youngsters have not had any experience dealing with the disappointment that comes with not winning.  As leaders we are dealing not just with the disappointment, but sometimes we even feel a little guilty! We think we should have suggested this, or insisted they change that--you can drive yourself crazy thinking about all the things you should have done, could have done wish-you-would have done.

I have learned a few things in my 20 plus years of being a leader and one if the most important is to prepare the 4-Hers for disappointment. I strongly encourage my students to participate in Fashion Revue.  I talk a lot about the EXPERIENCE of Fashion Revue: how much fun it it, how much they will learn form the workshops, how nice it is to meet other 4-Hers who love to sew and are as interested in fashion as they are, how inspiring and motivating it is to see all the other outfits, how enjoyable it is to model their outfit, and how proud they will feel when someone says "I like your dress!" If they happen to win an award, that is just icing on the cake, but I encourage them not to expect it.

I repeat the words of Doris Thomas, who was the extension educator in Lancaster County when I was in   4-H. Every year at Fashion Revue she told us "another day, another set of judges, another winner". I repeat those words to my 4-Hers because I believe them.  I want my students to know that every judge has a slightly different outlook on what is stylish or fashionable, what fits well and what is too big or too tight and the exact definition of good construction. One judge will love your purple shoes and another will think they are a bit over the top. One likes the machine hem and another thinks you should have done it by hand. And just because these particular three judges did not give your outfit an award does not mean that you did not do a great job or that your outfit is not terrific. And as leaders we sometimes have to remind ourselves of this too.

Learning to "lose gracefully", deal with disappointment and to look at every experience as an opportunity to learn are important lessons, for the 4-Hers, their parents and leaders.